I dreamed I was a gay man in the time of Hemingway. I might have been friends with Hemingway. I had curly blond hair, an amazing tan, and was built like a Greek god. My orientation was an open secret, but I had to deny the rumors or I could be imprisoned. I was trying to solve an embezzlement crime at a bistro/bar/al fresco theater in Key West.
I found out the embezzler was after me to kill me so I wouldn't expose them. I wasn't armed, so I made a run for it, and got into a small plane that was taking off. The plane exploded over the English countryside, and I struggled to slow my fall with the inflatable rubber recliner I was sitting on. I managed to keep the speed of my descent enough that I didn't injure myself on impact. I could tell that I was an impressive spectacle to anyone watching from the ground.
When I hit the ground, the rubber recliner exploded and deflated and turned into a hammerhead shark skin. I was now Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and I'd lost all my clothes. I clutched the shark skin around me and walked over to the Rice dorms, where I was staying.
The only problem was, I couldn't remember where my room was. The dorms were all identical, long, red brick buildings. The alleys in between them were named for the streets of the French Quarter, but not in the right order. I knew I was staying in the second or third building from the field, past the little chapel at the foot of Saint Louis Street.
I looked through ground floor windows and saw a room that looked familiar, but when I got inside and opened the door, but there were four college guys already there, and I remembered that I'd once rented that room through Air BnB, but it wasn't where I was staying now. Of course, I was Buffy wearing nothing but a shark skin, so the guys were flatteringly insistent that I stay.
I thanked them, but left all the same. I wandered up the narrow closes that connected the alleys between dorms. I wandered through the buildings, trying to find a familiar passage that might lead to my room. I found out my ex was teaching there, and dodged around corners to avoid meeting him.
Thank goodness, I finally found Giles. He didn't know where my room was, either, but he took me to the suite he was staying in, where I could change out of the shark skin into something more academically appropriate. He led me to a bathroom, and I shut the door behind me. I turned around to find that the bathroom was like a plushly carpeted beehive of steps and landings, up and down, leading to dozens of toilet stalls, sinks, baths, and showers. I wandered down and around into the depths until I finally felt safe, then locked myself into a toilet stall to change. And then I woke up.
Friday, September 25, 2015
Tuesday, September 22, 2015
Weekend Vignettes ~ 9/21/2015
Thursday Night:
I dreamed that I lived with Brennan and Booth from Bones, in a cave, in prehistoric times. There was a hot spring in the cave that shone a luminous blue-green in the torch light. Brennan kept track of the temperature, using her finger and a digital read-out thermometer. It kept fluctuating by about ten degrees, and Brennan was obsessed with figuring out what was causing the temperature change. Booth and I really couldn't care less, but it was interesting to watch her experiment and deduce.
Friday Night:
I dreamed I was in a theater, watching sneak previews of a reality show that was coming out. In the show, my sister's boyfriend was pretending to court Luna Lovegood behind our backs. But I knew it wasn't true, so I wasn't worried, and in fact, helped them keep up the facade a bit, because I knew my sister would benefit from the prize money. Then Zachary Quinto and Leonard Nimoy came into the theater. I was the first to recognize them, and I jumped up to give Nimoy a standing ovation. Everyone else got up to applaud, too, and the Spocks just laughed and laughed.
Saturday Night:
I dreamed I was visiting St. Louis Cathedral with my family and Tanya. It was poised on a cliff high above the river. They were giving a lecture inside about a serial killer who once tried to seek sanctuary there. As people wandered back out, I realized the pews and floorboards were all made of ancient driftwood, starting to rot. I looked out a broken stained glass window to see the west bank of the Mississippi, far below, golden in the afternoon sun. I turned back. Light filled the cathedral, but as a strong wind blew, the floor creaked and swayed, and the pendant lamps swung back and forth a little. So I hurried back out into the square, and then I woke up.
I dreamed that I lived with Brennan and Booth from Bones, in a cave, in prehistoric times. There was a hot spring in the cave that shone a luminous blue-green in the torch light. Brennan kept track of the temperature, using her finger and a digital read-out thermometer. It kept fluctuating by about ten degrees, and Brennan was obsessed with figuring out what was causing the temperature change. Booth and I really couldn't care less, but it was interesting to watch her experiment and deduce.
Friday Night:
I dreamed I was in a theater, watching sneak previews of a reality show that was coming out. In the show, my sister's boyfriend was pretending to court Luna Lovegood behind our backs. But I knew it wasn't true, so I wasn't worried, and in fact, helped them keep up the facade a bit, because I knew my sister would benefit from the prize money. Then Zachary Quinto and Leonard Nimoy came into the theater. I was the first to recognize them, and I jumped up to give Nimoy a standing ovation. Everyone else got up to applaud, too, and the Spocks just laughed and laughed.
Saturday Night:
I dreamed I was visiting St. Louis Cathedral with my family and Tanya. It was poised on a cliff high above the river. They were giving a lecture inside about a serial killer who once tried to seek sanctuary there. As people wandered back out, I realized the pews and floorboards were all made of ancient driftwood, starting to rot. I looked out a broken stained glass window to see the west bank of the Mississippi, far below, golden in the afternoon sun. I turned back. Light filled the cathedral, but as a strong wind blew, the floor creaked and swayed, and the pendant lamps swung back and forth a little. So I hurried back out into the square, and then I woke up.
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
The Vampire Armies of Persia ~ 9/15/2015
I dreamed I was visiting the Pacific Northwest. It was gorgeous, of course. I sat and watched a river flow into the sea under a full moon. It looked like silver, diamond, and pearl turned liquid, and sounded like the singing of souls, or that's how I described it to an old school friend I ran into.
Then the state started sending out notices for us to evacuate, because the vampire armies of Persia were coming. These were vast hordes of shambling, hungry men, women, and children, disfigured by the Persian government. At a young age, their lower jaws were surgically removed, and they were trained to drink blood as their only form of sustenance.
That was a pretty horrifying thought, but my vacation got even darker when I found myself touring a ward where children waited to be operated on. They were sobbing and screaming, and I knew I just needed to keep my head down and get out of there. But it was just too awful, listening to them pleading for their parents and begging not to be turned into monsters. I finally couldn't help breaking into a fit of horrified and angry screams, myself. And then I woke up.
Then the state started sending out notices for us to evacuate, because the vampire armies of Persia were coming. These were vast hordes of shambling, hungry men, women, and children, disfigured by the Persian government. At a young age, their lower jaws were surgically removed, and they were trained to drink blood as their only form of sustenance.
That was a pretty horrifying thought, but my vacation got even darker when I found myself touring a ward where children waited to be operated on. They were sobbing and screaming, and I knew I just needed to keep my head down and get out of there. But it was just too awful, listening to them pleading for their parents and begging not to be turned into monsters. I finally couldn't help breaking into a fit of horrified and angry screams, myself. And then I woke up.
Friday, September 11, 2015
Burn. It. Down. ~ 9/11/2015
I dreamed I was visiting home. Home was in the woods, at the crest of a ridge. I drove around all day, enjoying the scenery. I came back in the evening to find that people I'd met throughout the day were staying in the bed and breakfast that my home had become. One guy had an enormous Great Dane. He took it outside, then came back in to brag about how its BM was a yard long.
I was trying to fix fried rice for dinner, but with all the distractions, I accidentally added uncooked rice to the mixture I had stir fried. I gave up and went to bed early. As I was getting comfy, I noticed a dozen or so black dots scurrying along the ceiling. I realized they were spiders, with bodies about the size of pencil erasers. Since they were headed to a corner, far from my bed, I decided I could just ignore them. But I pulled the sheets over my head, just in case.
Then I peeked out and saw that they had joined a few dozen more friends, over in the corner. I couldn't tell how many, because the corner was dark. I couldn't tell if it was dark because the room was dark, or if there were a LOT of spiders there. I don't really mind spiders so much, taken one at a time, but this was a bit ridiculous. A contingent broke away from the corner and started skittering across the ceiling toward my bed. some of these were as big as quarters. I pulled the covers back over me and tucked the sheets beneath me and tried to figure out what to do.
I decided that I should get up and get dressed and go get someone to help me deal with the spider infestation. But then I felt a few little plops down onto the covers above me, and I froze and had to work up the nerve to throw the covers off and run for it. When I managed to do that, I saw that the room was full of spiders of various sizes, and I took off running.
The rest of the house had a few spiders and cobwebs here and there, but nothing like my room. I began asking the guests for advice. Sonic the hedgehog said he had an idea, and we should watch this. He called to his elephant and lion sidekicks, and they jumped into their sports car. They drove to the lair of the local superheroes, and showed me how the light from the car's headlamps turned the superheroes purple. I told them that I didn't have any more interest in purple spiders than black ones, and headed back home.
When I got back, things were in chaos. There were tiny spiders, and pencil eraser sized spiders and quarter sized spiders everywhere. Some golf ball sized ones were running around, and in a few extra special corners, tarantulas were weaving webs. The worst, though, was the enormous, heavy, softball sized spider, with glistening black armor and clawed legs. It hung from a web that was a flawless circle of glistening silk, and looked much too delicate to support the gargantuan spider that had made it. The web was woven in a corner of the door frame between the kitchen and the living room.
As if that wasn't bad enough, I poked my head into my room to check out the situation in there, and now, not only were the spiders skittering over every surface, SCORPIONS had begun to plop down from the ceiling onto my bed and my desk, and down to run across the floor. There were six scorpions just on one corner of my bed. I decided enough was enough, and I went to the garage and found the shop vac.
Thank God it still worked. I attached a long tube to the hoze nozzle, and began sucking up spiders and scorpions and thick cobwebs in every room. Every so often, the cobwebs would come loose and some stray spiders along the edges would come flying down around me, but I managed to not get any on me for long. I sucked them out of the corners of the ceiling and the floors. I chased them across rooms and vacuumed them up. I managed to get an arachnid-free pair of shoes on, and that was better. I had to detach the tube to deal with the biggest, huge, armored spider, because it wouldn't fit, but the hoze was wide enough, so, though I had to get way too close, I managed to suck up the biggest threat.
There were still a lot of smaller spiders left, but the shop vac was full, so I had to do something to empty it. We all stood around, looking, wondering if the spiders and scorpions had been crushed to death inside, or if they would come leaping out at us, agitated and vengeful. I finally decided the best course of action was to douse the old shop vac in gasoline, burn the whole thing down, and go buy another shop vac. Then I woke up.
I was trying to fix fried rice for dinner, but with all the distractions, I accidentally added uncooked rice to the mixture I had stir fried. I gave up and went to bed early. As I was getting comfy, I noticed a dozen or so black dots scurrying along the ceiling. I realized they were spiders, with bodies about the size of pencil erasers. Since they were headed to a corner, far from my bed, I decided I could just ignore them. But I pulled the sheets over my head, just in case.
Then I peeked out and saw that they had joined a few dozen more friends, over in the corner. I couldn't tell how many, because the corner was dark. I couldn't tell if it was dark because the room was dark, or if there were a LOT of spiders there. I don't really mind spiders so much, taken one at a time, but this was a bit ridiculous. A contingent broke away from the corner and started skittering across the ceiling toward my bed. some of these were as big as quarters. I pulled the covers back over me and tucked the sheets beneath me and tried to figure out what to do.
I decided that I should get up and get dressed and go get someone to help me deal with the spider infestation. But then I felt a few little plops down onto the covers above me, and I froze and had to work up the nerve to throw the covers off and run for it. When I managed to do that, I saw that the room was full of spiders of various sizes, and I took off running.
The rest of the house had a few spiders and cobwebs here and there, but nothing like my room. I began asking the guests for advice. Sonic the hedgehog said he had an idea, and we should watch this. He called to his elephant and lion sidekicks, and they jumped into their sports car. They drove to the lair of the local superheroes, and showed me how the light from the car's headlamps turned the superheroes purple. I told them that I didn't have any more interest in purple spiders than black ones, and headed back home.
When I got back, things were in chaos. There were tiny spiders, and pencil eraser sized spiders and quarter sized spiders everywhere. Some golf ball sized ones were running around, and in a few extra special corners, tarantulas were weaving webs. The worst, though, was the enormous, heavy, softball sized spider, with glistening black armor and clawed legs. It hung from a web that was a flawless circle of glistening silk, and looked much too delicate to support the gargantuan spider that had made it. The web was woven in a corner of the door frame between the kitchen and the living room.
As if that wasn't bad enough, I poked my head into my room to check out the situation in there, and now, not only were the spiders skittering over every surface, SCORPIONS had begun to plop down from the ceiling onto my bed and my desk, and down to run across the floor. There were six scorpions just on one corner of my bed. I decided enough was enough, and I went to the garage and found the shop vac.
Thank God it still worked. I attached a long tube to the hoze nozzle, and began sucking up spiders and scorpions and thick cobwebs in every room. Every so often, the cobwebs would come loose and some stray spiders along the edges would come flying down around me, but I managed to not get any on me for long. I sucked them out of the corners of the ceiling and the floors. I chased them across rooms and vacuumed them up. I managed to get an arachnid-free pair of shoes on, and that was better. I had to detach the tube to deal with the biggest, huge, armored spider, because it wouldn't fit, but the hoze was wide enough, so, though I had to get way too close, I managed to suck up the biggest threat.
There were still a lot of smaller spiders left, but the shop vac was full, so I had to do something to empty it. We all stood around, looking, wondering if the spiders and scorpions had been crushed to death inside, or if they would come leaping out at us, agitated and vengeful. I finally decided the best course of action was to douse the old shop vac in gasoline, burn the whole thing down, and go buy another shop vac. Then I woke up.
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